Monday, December 7, 2015

Look 3: The color of fear

 Can we take a second and talk about our fears?
 (Rachel's hands after look three. Do you feel scared?)

I watched a documentary on Joan of Arc last night.  I can't stop thinking about her. Did you know the people who knew her before she became The Maid described her as ordinary? I don't know how many times I heard that word last night during the show. They called her that over and over again. Extremely ordinary.

Then, bam. She led the armies of the prince of France to lift the siege on Orleans, and then safely escorted the prince to be crowned in a city deep in enemy territory. She was a teenager. An ordinary one. So what was the difference? How did plain old Joan become Joan of Arc?

One thing she had going for her was an absolute confidence in her mission. Conviction. Faith. She knew she was meant to do something with her time on earth, and she allowed it to grow bigger than her fears. She pulled a Pink, threw some glitter in the air, looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care."

Sometimes I feel like we've got our fear/faith balance backwards. Because let's be honest, in our closet full of dreams the only lock holding those things prisoner is fear. It can manifest in several different ways: Fear of failure, fear of ridicule, fear of pain, fear of inconvenience, fear of the unknown. But it all amounts to the same thing. Fear is forcing ordinary people to avoid doing extraordinary things.

The other thing is, she worked toward her dream every day. She didn't sit and wait for God to make her dream a reality. She knew much was expected of her if her mission was to be fulfilled. She thought about it and worked toward it. She was undeterred.

I'm not saying this hair thing is Joan of Arc territory, it's not even close, but through it I'm learning something Joan of Arc somehow knew as a kid. Fear isn't a good enough reason to abandon our dreams, no matter how large or how small.

 What if my face shape is wrong for that cut? What if my skin tone doesn't look good with that color? What if no one hires me once I get my photography thing up and running? What if my neighbors talk behind my back when I start up my in-home business? What if I lose money on that investment? What if my husband hates that sweater on me? What if my friend says "no" to my invitation? What if, what if, what if. Well, screw that.

Our lives are short. Real short. And that's even if we have a typical human lifespan. Do you want anything holding you back from experiencing all you can while you're here? I'm not talking about abandoning responsibility and living some giant, selfish rager. I'm talking about working toward the things you want to accomplish and try while you're here. Examine what's holding you back. If it's fear, stick up those middle fingers and press on, warrior.

So here's to look 3. This one scared me the most so far, and therefore, it's with great satisfaction that I present it to you. Color: black with an all-over blue (Billyrock blue from Manic Panic). Cut: thick, straight bangs, lots of layers and an inch or two shorter than look 2.

Discussion time: I'm hearing some tales of adventurous haircuts. If you're experimenting in any way along with me, will you email your pictures to me and allow me to share them on this blog?  Pretty please??


  1. First of all, what you are doing is courageous. I get that. I totally get that changing your looks drastically is extremely difficult when you have a body image issue. So, I am so proud of you. As you might have seen, I colored my hair DARK with red. The first thing someone at work said to me was, "Well, it doesn't look bad." It crushed me. It happened just last week and it crushed me. It has stuck with me since she said it. But, my hair is still dark. I haven't changed it. My middle finger went up (literally) and I said, "Screw that." (literally)

    You really are beautiful, and I'm not just saying that. Because I don't have to say it. I only say it because I mean it. You are beautiful and brave.

    Love you.

    1. Thank you for sharing that Heidi! I love that it doesn't have to matter if I conform to what someone else (or even myself) thinks "looks good" because we all need to get it through our thick skulls that a woman is made for more than looking good. Pleasing every person I see through my looks is not my goal. I'm not here to be stared at like a piece of art. I'm finally letting that sink in, and it's liberating.