tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2804841995515980202.post1981030557090124256..comments2017-01-03T10:38:06.319-08:00Comments on Running Ravenous: Instinct vs. Intuition - The battle's in your headUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2804841995515980202.post-32879342163981068132016-11-29T13:58:07.248-08:002016-11-29T13:58:07.248-08:00Oh, my Rach. Remember when I was inpatient like si...Oh, my Rach. Remember when I was inpatient like six years ago? It was not awesome. I had therapy seven times a day. They required me to gain 17 pounds and weigh 120 before I was released. They chose my meals. We talked all day, everyday about my depression, anxiety, and poor body image - which manifested itself in anorexia. It. was. torture. But, then it wasn't anymore. I remember the day I was released. I was terrified. When I was in the hospital, I was safe. I couldn't hurt myself there. There was no time, and someone was always watching me. I couldn't not eat. I couldn't say bad things to myself because literally every waking moment was analyzing and practicing. I hated them for that, but I didn't want to leave them! I was safe there. Everything in my life, besides my four warriors, has been a failure. Brandon reminded me of that today. I am often reminded of it. But, I do look at myself different. I do see myself different. I am able to say "screw you" to the bad thoughts in my mind and to the thoughts of others. And, I do. I have positive thoughts all over my desk at work -- "Be kind to yourself." "At any given moment, you have the power to say this is not how the story is going to end." "You are a princess, destined to become a queen." I look at them. Sometimes I cry out loud. And, sometimes I smile. That's recovery, you know? You aren't alone. You are so loved!!!standtallnowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05371759930425854987noreply@blogger.com